nothing but fun

These past few days have been some of the most fun I've had from the second half of this year. I don't even remember everything I did, but here are some highlights:

-listening to nie nie speak at byu.

-tons of missionary shopping (marrissa, in the pics, is leaving for a mission to san jose soon).

-finding the most amazing halloween costumes at wal-mart. i have never laughed so hard before, but they are something else. (plus the man who was trying to take our pictures couldn't quite figure it out and took a video of us smiling and blinking for about ten minutes).

-making banana bread two nights in a row.

-byu lost to utah state. (sorry, i had to say it. such an accomplishment shouldn't go without recognition).

-selling a jacket on ebay. and i got way more than i thought i would. (sweet surprise!)

-i went running for the first time in about a year and my body hurt from head to toe the day after.

-a great thrift store find with candace. (more to come on that).

-shoes from anthropologie. and they were on sale!

-and lastly, conference!

MarRissa and I were determined to get a ticket to the Sunday morning session. We made our way downtown early but the standby line was forever long. Luckily MarRissa knew the ward who was singing in the street choir. You know, the people who line north temple and sing hymns in an effort to counteract the loud protestors? Well, that was us. They totally let us join in and if you sing for an hour with them, you get an automatic ticket to conference. Perfect!

If anyone knows me and has heard me sing, you know that I was born as tone deaf as they come. I seriously cannot carry a tune. But I got way into the singing on the street. It was so much fun, I didn't even care what anyone thought. And yes, we were the only two Caucasian girls mixed in with about 30 Polynesians (who all had incredible voices). It was a blast, and I would do it again in a heartbeat!

I'm glad the past few days have been completely overflowing with fun!

a new perspective

I was at the DI the other day (shocking, I know) and I came across this dish. It's not Pyrex, but I couldn't pass it by because of what it said on the bottom.

Maid of honor.

Gee whiz, if that doesn't sum up how I've been feeling lately, I don't know what does. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. Okay, I know that's kind of exaggerating a bit, but one thing that really bothers me is when blogs make life seem perfect. Because let's face it, life isn't.

I know that I have a lot of things going for me. I'm finished with school, I have a great job that I love, I'm moving forward with spiritual goals, I have awesome people in my life. There are so many positives, it's humbling.

But I can't lie. I have never felt more lost or lonely in my entire life.

Graduating and finishing school brought about feelings that I never anticipated. Of course it's a relief not having to stress about exams and deadlines, but it has also left me in a strange place. What do I do now? How should I spend my time? How will I meet new people? What goals can I accomplish on my own?

I have cried several times going to and leaving work at the hospital. It's really hard to drive past the U of U and see all the students beginning a new semester. I can't help but want to be one of them.

What's equally hard is not having a solid group of people to hang out with. I am so very thankful because I have been blessed with dozens of people whom I consider very good friends. The trouble is that most are in relationships, so finding time to get together is sporadic and inconsistent.

Don't get me wrong, I am so happy for all my friends. I'm over the moon for them. How awesome they have people in their lives to care so deeply for. But it's still hard to be the forever fan on the sidelines cheering for everyone.

I just have to remind myself that my life has barely begun. I am so proud of myself and all the things I have accomplished. I love the person I'm becoming and how I treat other people. I'm pleased with the way I go about my days and the choices I'm making.

But sometimes I just feel so completely alone. I know that some of my feelings are normal, but I can't let myself get stuck in a "poor me" trap. I need to be more positive. Keep the faith. Push forward with my future.

I was talking with a good friend today and she passed on some of the best advice I've heard in a long time. She said to me,

do something that scares you every day.

It was just the thing I needed to hear. I can be brave. I need to try new things. Being scared won't hurt me.

I'm so excited to incorporate this action into my days. Do something that scares me every day. And it really started today, because this post came from an honest place and this snippet of my personal feelings is now posted in a public domain. And it feels good.

P.S.

Dear really cute boy on the third floor lobby at PCMC,

You were adorable playing your guitar & singing in your church clothes. I'd be lying if I said that my heart didn't skip a beat when I walked past you twice today. I think you're awesome for coming up to the hospital and giving of your time on a Sunday. I should have told you that and I didn't.

Let's just hope you're back on Tuesday when I come to work.

Love,

working-on-being-more-brave,

Julia

my heart is bleeding red

I'm feeling pretty sentimental today.

It's the first time in 18 years that I won't be going back to school.

No new first day of school outfit, no picture on the porch, no lugging heavy books around or stopping at the campus bookstore.

It's a really strange feeling. I'm somewhat relieved and somewhat sad all mixed into one.

And probably the very worst part of it all is that I don't have season tickets to the Utah football games. I cringe typing those words! I am such a beloved fan.

No more school means no more MUSS membership (MUSS is the Mighty Utah Student Section = cheap tickets).

What on earth will I ever do? Hopefully I can get tickets to a few of the games, and most importantly the BYU-Utah game. I'd give up a Pyrex bowl to go to that.

I hope that all of my friends and everyone who is going back has a great first day of school today!

If you ever need a stay-up-late study buddy, treats during stressful times, or a really loud football fan, give me a call.

I'm good at all three.

new ward

You may be wondering what this image stands for. Well, I'll tell you:

single saint, 33rd ward.

The rumors are true.

I joined the singles ward.

I know, I almost couldn't believe it myself.

I am giving it a solid two-month trial before going back to the home ward, and like they say at my very former alma mater, I am "fully invested".

I am even hoping for a calling (just not a teacher, please!).

Today was my first day. So far, so good. It will definitely take some time getting acclimated to the singles ward environment, but luckily I have a group of cute girls to go with and we're all in the same boat together.

May I just say one thing though?

I really don't know when 12 inches above the knee became the new standard for skirts and dresses. I could not believe the hemline sported by so many girls today at church. It's not like I am a self-proclaimed modest monitor, but really - save the short clothes for a day other than the Sabbath if you feel inclined to wear them!

and it's a go!

I finally joined the blogging club! I have been a faithful reader of hundreds a few blogs over the years, and now it's my turn to join the ranks. I really hope to capture the hilarious moments, highlight my awesome retro finds (I frequent the DI weekly), and have a general space to document everyday life. Welcome! And I might add that I am very technologically un-savvy and have no idea what in the heck I'm doing. So, if things look a little wonky, I'm still learning. Feel free to send your kindergartener my way. They will probably be able to troubleshoot better than me.