i already failed

I made it to Vermont and it was such a relief to see my gram!

She is doing alright since she is fresh out of her latest chemo infusion (she'll probably feel yucky next week). She is still really tired but she hasn't lost her pep or her love of insulting me (she is so hilarious - for example, if I ask if she needs anything else, she'll say "just for you to get out of here." I am so glad her sense of humor is intact!).

Gram has never been one for cooperating in pictures, but she especially doesn't want to be in any now since she isn't happy with the way she looks. I don't always listen to what she says (oops), and I want to have pictures to remember all the times with her, so I have resorted to sneaking each and every one.

Want to know my secret weapon? My cell phone. I just hold it up and pretend like I'm looking at something and silently celebrate my photo victory as I take a picture. I don't know why I didn't discover this trick years ago.

Here we are at an appointment today (my mom is in on my secret and snapped this pic). Isn't she cute? She really is being so brave and I am proud of her. On the other hand, I have already failed. I cried in the car on the way home from the airport, I cried in my room, and the worst of all - I cried at her appointment. It was just the two of us chatting with her nurse and I couldn't help but get all teared up watching gram sit in the chemo chair and wishing we were shopping for fabric instead of getting a Neulasta injection (this is a shot that will help her produce white blood cells and hopefully prevent her from another hospital stay).

I don't think she saw me, which I'm glad about. Her nurse started passing me the box of Kleenex, and gram said, "oh, is my nose dripping again?" Phew! Thank heavens, I was saved and she didn't notice.